Bullies are well- known for causing pain, but they are the ones who suffer the most. They have the capacity of manipulating others in order to get what they want. What is more, their main goal is to impress their superiors (or anyone else who they think is suitable for elevating their status), by alleging a different, more charming and charismatic personality, in order to maintain this relationship. Furthermore, it’s highly possible that bullies may use unwarranted criticism and threats if they feel threaten by their colleagues, without even considering the effect that this kind of treatment may provoke to the self-esteem, self-confidence, loyalty or health of their peers.
Once the bullying starts, it not easy to be controlled. Children may be involved in bullying for a lot of reasons. The majority of them requires, so as to be able to change their behavior and deal with any kind of challenges that may have provoked that kind of behavior. Psychologists believe that bullies lack what they call “ prosocial behavior” by which they do not know who to relate with others as they are not capable of understanding the feelings that their actions may provoke. In addition to that, they feel the necessity of dominating and injuring their peers as when it comes on their aggression is the best solution for their problems
- Bullies are a special unit of children. An estimated percentage of students (40 to 30 percent) are being involved in bullying (as observers or victims).
- Even in an early age their anger reach high levels
- Children aren’t born bullies. There are very specific set of conditions that triggers this kind of behavior.
- Most of the times have to live by the effects that bullying may have in their lives which could last forever.
- Bullies may not realize the effects that their actions really have on others.
- The ones who suffer the most are bullies themselves.
- A large majority of these children have ineffective relationships throughout their lives.
- The dysfunctional behavior of the bullies leads them on becoming antisocial adults and it is more likely to commit crimes, abuse their children and raise another generation of bullies than non aggressive kids do.
- Girls may bully as well. Despite the fact that their bullying takes a different form it is still highly mean and aggressive.
So as to understand bullying, we have to conceive the main reason for its appearance. As more and more bullying episodes occur it has to be taken into account that human’s social needs are vastly undervalued. Even though many times we might not look up to the social life of children as something worth to be mentioned, it really seems to be crucial for a healthy development. We ought to mention though that bullying may seem for a special breed of children as their last desperate chance for keeping their human contacts.
What kids become victims? Are there some kind of signals that bullies notice on these children? Or bullies chose who even they can dominate? There are many suspicious why a kid may be picked on, they may speak funny be overweight, or even have different sexual preferences. Moreover, those who are being bullied share some common psychological characteristics. They are more cautious, sensitive and quite than other children may be. What is more they can’t tolerate any form of violence and it’s very likely to burst into tears when attacked. They eradicate what one researcher call: “ an anxious vulnerability”. As they are psychically weak and fearful they easily acquiesce to the demands of bullies. Not only they are not defending themselves, but also they are handing over their possessions as some kind of reward for their attackers. What they actually achieve is a material and psychological reinforce of bullies. Victims are not to be blamed for the aggression of their attackers. What we have to do as some investigators suggests is to recognize some social behavior patterns which make children more vulnerable. To sum up, we have to accept the fact that if there was not someone to bully there wouldn’t be anyone to be bullied!!!……..
“He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it”
(Martin Luther King)
Observers may take different roles. Some of them became henchmen, others are bystanders and few of them actually help the victims. A henchman is someone who helps the bully while a bystander is someone who doesn’t become active in the situation. There are many reasons why the large majority of children don’t take an active role in order t help the victims. Those reasons include ignorance (of bullying), fear (to be bullied) and complicity.
The first think to understand is that we can’t and shouldn’t expect from children to be friends and like each other just because they happen to go in the same school. People often choose not to stick up for each other, if this means risking their status, or losing their friends. For students status inside their school union is priceless, therefore they find it hard to sacrifice it, only o stand up for some vulnerable kinds. What is more, we have to consider that some students are completely unaware of this phenomenon (manipulation, psychical and psychological violence, etc), due to lack of information, or because they may not be aware of the effects that bullying could provoke to self- esteem and self-confidence of the victims. Moreover, all children don’t have the same mental capacity to understand the position of the victims. Furthermore, bullies are well- known for their ability to manipulate others, so as to make them abettors of their actions. Apart from that, they are being helped by the need of people to follow the herd and subjugate themselves to a strong and fearless leader, in order to survive or to be on the winning side. Others may accuse the victims for being too weak to fight for themselves and are not able to understand the psychological background that those kids have. In addition to all that we shouldn’t underestimate the fear that these assaults have on observers, who are frightened that in no time they be the ones being bullied. It’s a circle of fear in which everybody are too scared to take action. It’s highly common for students to think higher of their status than the feeling that threats and aggressions will have on others. Standing up for others, requires a moral courage, and an integrity to fight for what you believe it’s wrong. What is more, some children may secretly help the victim provided that this help is not known to bullies, for fear of being isolated especially if the bully is popular. Some bystanders act as if they were abettors with bullies, tolerating their threats, aggressions and mean behavior only because they want to get into the bully’s good books. Apart from that, many people experience some form of satisfaction when others are in pain, thinking of their superior place.
To conclude, because so few stand up for what they believe it’s right this situation is allowed to go on unobstructed. Those who confront bullies should expect to be isolated, threatened and be picked up, but their contribution would defiantly help to eliminate this outrageous phenomenon, with so many side- effects both psychological and physical for all participants. they are playing a crucial role in forming public awareness. They may also inform students about the multiple ways that bullying affects the lives of all (victims, observers and bullies).
DO SOMETHING BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!!!
STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE!!!
SPEAK OUT FOR THOSE WHO CAN’T!!!!
Some important Tips:
Where several people bully as a group, it’s known as “mobbing”.
There are many reasons why during bullying incidents, students are not involved, when a peer is being bullied; These reasons are placed in a frame of the following characteristics: (1) ignorance (of bullying), (2) fear (of being bullied) and (3) complicity.
Some examples of of Ignorance, Fear and Complicity are :
- Some people have never given any thought to the existence of bullying, manipulation, psychological violence etc, or to the experience of being bullied, and cannot recognize it even if it is going on in their presence every day;
- Some people will never have the emotional intelligence or behavioral maturity to understand bullying, let alone deal with it;
- Some instinctively blame the target for failing to stand up for him or herself, or for being too weak for the job they’re in;
- Some people lack critical thinking skills and analytical abilities and thus cannot see through the facade or the bully’s mask of deceit
- People like to follow the herd in normal life, and especially so the presence of a devious, manipulative, charming aggressor;
- In environments where the bullying is entrenched, it’s regarded as “normal” behavior;
- Unlike assault and harassment, bullying is subtle and comprises hundreds, perhaps thousands, of incidents which out of context and in isolation are trivial – thus bystanders can’t see the full picture;
- Bullies exert power and control by a combination of selectively withholding information and spreading disinformation, therefore everyone has a distorted picture, seeing only what the bully wants them to see;
- Bullies masterfully manipulate people through their emotions (eg guilt, fear, anger), treating any vulnerability (e.g. the need for a regular income) as a weakness to be exploited.
- If the bully comes close to being outwitted and exposed, he or she will feign victimhood and turn the focus on themselves, which is another example of manipulating people through their guilt to evoke sympathy.
- Most bystanders are hoodwinked by the bully’s ruses for abdicating responsibility and evading accountability, e.g. “that’s all in the past, let’s focus on the future”, “what’s in the past is no longer relevant”, “you need to make a fresh start”, and “forgive and forget, you’ve got to move on”, etc.
- There’s already a climate of fear in which everybody is afraid to speak out or take action;
- The bully has gone round the department and implicitly or explicitly warned everybody off, often using threats of reorganization (redundancy), restructuring (redundancy) or even disciplinary action against anyone who helps the target;
- During school hours, some people act as if their role as students is more important than their attachment to the rest of the human race. If you find yourself being bullied, you may find that many people who you treated as friends turn out to have (a) no loyalty to you and (b) no moral compass. Standing up for you requires the moral courage and integrity to choose standing up for another person at the risk of harming their prospects in school
- Some bystanders know very well what is happening to the target and do not want to risk the same fate, and so they keep right out of the way, (foolishly) thinking that if they keep their heads down, their mouths shut and pretend nothing is happening then it won’t happen to them;
- Some bystanders will give covert help to a target, providing information, passing on messages etc, doing as much as they can but at the same time, making an effort to ensure their true loyalty is not exposed to anyone else.
- Some bystanders excuse their inaction with expressions like “I didn’t know what to do” or “it’s just one of those things” to abdicate and deny their responsibility. (Bystanders who use such excuses likely make no effort to find out what to do next time.)
- Some bystanders who understand what is happening nevertheless perceive a personal benefit if they side with the bully, which might be to get into the bully’s good books or to keep out of the bully’s bad books. Either way it’s the bystander actively looking after themselves irrespective of anyone else. In a climate of fear, with an adept manipulator:
- Some bystanders act as the bully’s supporters, assistants, reinforces, appeasers, deniers, apologists and minimizes, and they will lie, act dishonorably and dishonestly, with hold information and spread misinformation, favoring the bully for use in disciplinary or grievance proceedings etc.
- The bully is often able to bewitch one especially emotionally needy bystander into being their easily controlled spokesperson / advocate / supporter / denier;
- The bully often forms an alliance with a peer who has the same behavior profile, thus increasing the levels of threat, fear and dysfunction;
- When there’s conflict in the air, most people want to be on the winning side, or the side they think will survive;
- Some people gain gratification (a perverse feeling of satisfaction) from seeing others in distress and thus become complicit in the bullying;
Everyone, who get in the way of individual bullies can expect to be isolated, victimized. This situation is allowed to continue because so few, if any, speak out. If more did, it would not be so easy to conceal. Willing witnesses who intervene in bullying situations can make a significant difference in schools: Bullies are cowards and, the more they fear exposure, the more likely they are to desist. Of course they can be extremely vindictive and do everything in their power to destroy anyone who can see through their mask of deceit. In these situations, the solution is for more people to speak out.
As bullying is addictive, if nothing is done,
another victim will be selected and it could be you!!!